Friday, April 21, 2017

THE BOND THAT WON'T PULL APART

I maybe bias when i first knew i was pregnant with my first born child. Maybe there's something special having her after gone through abortion at six weeks of pregnancy before her birth. It felt like the whole world fell on me, us actually. It's hard to cope up then and depression hits anytime of the day, and night. Then afterwards when we became ready to have another one it takes too long for me to conceive. Days and months of waiting flew by and there's nothing. The emotion is like a roller coaster then and there are times that it's hard to cope, you will just cry actually and sadness always hits. But i don't want to dwell of being in sorrow for too long and before we knew it, i find ways on how to get it done by the help of a professional. It's a blessing that after two months of treatment i have burst in joy, in tears in front of my ob gyne ( still thankful for her up to now! ) when i knew i was pregnant again. Finally, the wait is over!
What i remember then is i know nothing about mothering and i don't even read books on how to. What i know is that i want to have a child and praying it will be a girl. my husband wanted it too coming from a brood of only one sister. On my part maybe because there's certain bond between me and my mom that fight together to live in this place we called world that's why i look forward and pray to have a daughter as our first. A big blessing that it's an answered prayer.
When you become a mother at a young age ( 21 then ) there's a certain part of routine that it's hard to get through. Yes, emotionally i'm very much prepared. But physically? I don't think so. I appreciate so much that i have my mom at my side then to support me in toting my child. Day to day life becomes easier with her around until i find myself getting ready on the physical mothering chores and became skilled on it as years pass by.
Now my eldest daughter is 22 years old. ( say it in three times!! ) Sometimes i want to pinch myself, is it true? How come? With just a blink of an eye. I maybe stuck so much on teaching and to discipline her ( with the other three ) on the ways and hows of life until i find myself soaking in reflection about her as a full blown woman. And then the truth strikes on me, maybe what i thought on her throughout the years was instill on her now that she can make a decision of her own. To grow and reach her life to the fullest. Maybe just like a kite, when the wind becomes stable that's the time we watch it on how beautiful it dance and flew through the sky, only until the wind blows so hard that we can able to pull the yarn and get it back on track.
Maybe i am in that stage of mothering with this first born child of mine. A new chapter for me and a beginning of life's chapter for her. I can only wish her all the goodness in this life's battle. Hopeful and praying that she will see first and enjoy the beauty of life before settling down.
And you, in what stage of parenting are you at this time? Like me did you became a mom at a young age too? How do you cope on that?

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